


Damaged Goods

by Natalie L (nat1228)



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: AU, Alternate Universes, Drama, First Times, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 10:52:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/797817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nat1228/pseuds/Natalie%20L
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where Sentinels and Guides are commonplace, Jim Ellison searches for a Guide and finds one - broken and abused by his former Sentinel. Jim works to gain the trust of the damaged Guide and eventually gains his love, as well.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Damaged Goods

## Damaged Goods

#### by Natalie L

Author's website: <http://www.squidge.org/~nat1228/jagjungle.htm>  
Pet Fly and Paramount own the copyright to The Sentinel and its characters. This piece of fan fiction was written solely for the love of the characters and to share freely with other fans. No profit is being made from the posting of this story.   
  
To my alpha reader, "B", who is more help than she'll admit to, and to my wonderful betas, Mary and Kat. Thanks, gals!   
  
A nod of thanks to Paul DeMeo and Danny Bilson for Simon's line about the coffee; and to David L. Newman for the scene with Vera in Personnel.   
  
This story is a sequel to: 

* * *

"May I help you?" 

Jim smiled at the petite blonde woman as he nervously tapped his fingers against the reception desk. "I'm Detective James Ellison, and I need a Guide." 

The woman, whose nametag read Kristie Reid, nodded as she rounded the desk to greet the detective. "And may I ask why you chose the Guide Hostel, instead of the more traditional route?" She began to walk through the great room of the hostel, where men and women were sitting and reading, watching TV, playing cards, or just chatting softly. 

"My Guide was killed and I need a replacement right away," said Ellison, his voice tight. "I don't have time for the paperwork, interviews and waiting period. I need to get back on the street." 

Kristie nodded. "Well, we have many very good Guides from which to choose. You do realize that their Sentinels for one reason or another abandoned all the men and women here? Sometimes it was a personality incompatibility, sometimes something more serious." 

Ellison nodded curtly. He swept the room with his senses, resigned to the fact that he was going to have to interview a number of Guides before he found one suitable for police work. "I'd prefer a male," he told Kristie. "Are there any others, besides those here?" 

"We have a recreation wing and an outdoor area," Kristie said. "On a lovely day like this, some of the Guides are bound to be outside. Follow me." She led the way through a maze of hallways toward the back of the facility. 

They passed a number of individual rooms with windows in the doors. Jim glanced in as they walked. Each room held a man or a woman, most of who were confined to bed. One in particular caught his eye and he paused. "Why are these Guides here?" 

Kristie stopped and turned back to where the detective stood looking through the reinforced glass window of a confinement room. "This is the rehabilitation wing," she explained. "These Guides are all ill or injured, and are not available for immediate adoption." 

"What's wrong with this one?" Jim asked. The room was empty, except for an inflatable mattress on the floor. A man dressed in a hospital gown and cradling his right arm in a sling was wandering in aimless circles. Chestnut hair flowed in tight, corkscrew curls to the man's shoulders and intense, blue eyes darted around nervously. 

"That's Blair Sandburg," Kristie replied. "He's here because his Sentinel is dead and there was some worry that he might try to harm himself. He's under psychiatric observation." 

Unable to tear his eyes away from the striking young Guide, Jim asked, "How did his Sentinel die?" 

Kristie sighed. "It's a long story." 

"I want to hear it," said Jim, turning with some reluctance to look at the nurse. 

"For what purpose?" Kristie shook her head sadly. "He's not available for adoption while he's under evaluation. Why don't we go see who is outside? I'm sure we can match you up with a compatible Guide." 

Jim didn't understand the compulsion that held him in place. All he knew was that he wanted to know more about this Blair Sandburg. He felt a need to speak with him, to touch him, to connect. "This is the one that interests me," he replied doggedly. 

"I'm sorry Detective Ellison, but that's just not possible." 

"Why? Tell me why. How did his Sentinel die?" Jim probed. 

"Well, if you must know," the nurse replied with a sigh, "he killed her." Seeing the startled look on Jim's face, she hurried on. "It was self-defense. She'd just beaten him, breaking his arm and badly bruising his ribs, and she'd begun to rape him." Kristie held the detective's ice-blue eyes in a steady stare. "He broke her neck." 

Jim looked back into the room at the slender Guide. He didn't seem capable of killing anyone, especially not with the injuries he'd sustained. The nurse nodded and smiled grimly. 

"He doesn't appear to be the type, does he?" she asked. "But he'd been abused for over a year, in and out of the hospital for broken bones and concussions. His Sentinel had forced him to have sex with her, using cock rings to keep him hard until she was satisfied. It was when she decided to penetrate him that he snapped." 

"How could he break her neck with his own arm broken?" Jim asked. 

Kristie shook her head. "He said he feared for his life; that he somehow found the strength to do what needed to be done to protect himself. Blair is the one who called 911 to report the crime." 

Jim's hand came up to press against the cool glass of the viewing window. "He's the one that told you all the details." 

"And we believe him. The police and paramedics found him slumped over the body of Alex Barnes. There were all sorts of bondage paraphernalia in the apartment, as well as a large collection of sex toys. To all appearances, Blair was more a slave than a Guide to that woman. No one doubted she would have killed him when she tired of him. Blair was her sixth Guide in the past ten years, and no one knows what happened to the other five. The police have long suspected, but there was never any proof." 

"And so now he's here," said Jim, back to watching the young Guide pacing. "Why just the mattress and only a gown to wear?" 

"We're afraid he might try to harm himself." 

"Commit suicide?" Jim turned away from the window briefly to look at the nurse. 

Kristie nodded. "He's been very withdrawn. He has a high empathy rating and that often goes hand-in-hand with suicidal tendencies in abused Guides. We're just trying to protect him until he's well enough for adoption." 

"I'd like to speak with him," said Jim. He watched as the Guide stopped his pacing and turned to look at the door. Blue eyes widened in fear and he moved to the far end of the room. "Would you let me in, please?" 

"That wouldn't be a good idea," Kristie responded. "He can sense a Sentinel, and they terrify him - with good reason." She took Jim's arm and pulled him away from the door. "Come with me, we'll look at the other Guides." 

Jim shrugged off the hand that was trying to propel him away. "No. I want to speak with this Guide." 

Kristie frowned at the insistent man. "Detective, Blair wouldn't be a good match for you. He's not suited to police work; you need someone you can take into the streets with you." 

The nurse's statement gave Jim pause. He looked through the window at the Guide who now huddled in the corner of the room, staring back at him. "I can't explain it," he said softly, "but there's _something_ about this one -" 

"Well, it's your choice," Kristie conceded, pulling a small keying from her pocket and inserting the key in the lock. "But I think you're making a mistake." 

"I'll be the judge of that," Jim replied, stepping into the room. "I'd like to do this alone," he added, pushing the door closed. As Kristie watched through the window, Jim took two steps further into the stark room. He stopped when the Guide hunkered down in the corner, hiding his face behind raised knees. 

"I'm not going to hurt you," Jim began, keeping his voice low. The Guide raised his eyes to glance at him. At the same time, Jim noticed a movement to his right, on the fringes of his vision. Turning his head, he saw a gray wolf stalking along the wall, headed toward the Guide. The wolf's head swiveled and the animal bared its teeth at the intruding Sentinel. 

Jim dropped to a crouch, coming down to the Guide's level. Holding out both hands, he showed the frightened young man that he carried no weapons. "I just want to talk with you," he said, trying again. "I lost my Guide, and I need help with my senses. I need a new Guide." 

Silence stretched between the two men. The air seemed to grow thick, stifling. Jim caught a faint scent of the jungle as a dark shadow detached itself from the corner on his left and slinked across the room. The Sentinel watched the jaguar approach the wolf. The canine crouched defensively, but the big cat continued its methodical approach. Circling the wolf, the jaguar reached a heavy paw to rest across the wolf's shoulders. The smaller animal submitted, lying down as the jaguar settled his weight on top and began to lick the wolf behind the ears. 

A smile slowly grew on Jim's face as he watched the big cat grooming the wolf and the wolf passively submitting. "See? I mean you no harm," he said, directing his comments to the Guide, while keeping his eyes on the spirit guides. 

"You can see them?" 

The quiet words echoed loudly in Jim's ears, and his heart rate increased with excitement. "Sure. The panther is protecting the wolf, grooming him, the same way I want to take care of you." 

"Melanistic jaguar." 

"What?" Jim turned his attention back to the Guide, noting that the young man was looking over his knees at the two animals lying beside him. 

"Technically, it's not a panther; it's a melanistic jaguar. He's magnificent. He's your spirit guide?" 

Jim nodded. "Patrick, my former Guide, taught me to recognize my spirit animal." 

"What happened to him... to Patrick?" 

"I'm a detective with the Cascade Police," Jim began, unconsciously wringing his hands as he recalled the painful memory. "Pat and I were on a stakeout at an old warehouse, when a drug deal began to go down. Long story short, Patrick was fatally wounded during the takedown and arrest." 

"I'm sorry." 

"Yeah, me too," said Jim, sighing. "I promised myself I'd never let that happen again. Patrick and I were... close, very close. It took me a long time to gather the strength to come here. I didn't want another Guide; it was just too painful to consider." 

"I don't want another Sentinel," Blair stated softly. 

"But you need one, as much as I need a new Guide," Jim countered. "Without a Guide, I can't do my job, and my life is empty, my senses out of control. Without a Sentinel to ground you, you'll go insane, perhaps hurt yourself." 

The Guide cradled his broken arm with his good one, staring down at his toes. "I've already been hurt. I-I can control my gift, but I can't control a Sentinel." 

Jim shifted closer, until he was able to reach out wrap an arm around the shoulders of the Guide. "I know something of what you went through," he said. "I know what happened to your former Sentinel. I'd never hurt you, Blair. You've got to believe that." 

Blair looked beyond the Sentinel to the two spirit guides, who were now taking turns grooming each other in peaceful harmony. "I-I don't k-know," he stammered. "She tried to r-rape me! She forced me to have sex with her. How can I know that you won't do the same?" 

Pressing the frightened Guide's head to his shoulder, Jim wrapped his arms around the shaking body. "You have to trust again. I... I had a sexual union with Patrick. It made our bond closer, stronger. I want that intimacy again... but I'd never force you." 

"And what if I n-never wanted it?" 

"I'd _never_ force you," Jim repeated. "I'd deal with it, somehow." As he held the Guide in his arms, Jim noted the scars on the young man's back, visible as his hospital gown parted with his movement. Scratches were healing, deep gouges of fingernails leaving dark lines in the pale skin. Crisscrossing the scratches were welts left by a whip. Jim frowned at the record of abuse marked in the Guide's flesh and promised himself that Blair would never suffer again. 

"I don't know if I can," whispered Blair. "I don't know if I can be a Guide again." 

"There's nothing wrong with you that a little TLC can't fix. We'll learn how to do this together," Jim promised. 

Kristie opened the door and stepped inside, taking in the sight of the Guide cradled in the lap of the Sentinel. Jim looked up as he reassuringly rubbed his hand over his Guide's bare back. "Start the paperwork," Jim said, with only the briefest of glances at the nurse. "Blair is going home with me." 

+++++ 

The door to the loft swung open and Jim led his new Guide inside. Blair looked nervously around the large, open room, hovering near the door as though he might bolt. Jim clasped Blair's right hand and pulled him into the room, closing the door behind them. 

Taking Blair's coat, Jim hung it beside his own on the hooks next to the door. "Welcome home," he said, his voice soft and warm. When he got no response, he coaxed Blair forward. "The bathroom is back this way, and your bedroom is right across the hall." He led the way past the kitchen, pulling back the curtain that hung across his Guide's new room. "I'm still hoping that you'll agree to share my bed, but until then I thought you might like a private place of your own." 

Blair sat down on the mattress of the twin bed and ran his hands over the soft, down comforter. "This is really nice. Thank you." 

"Why don't you lie down and rest? I'll wake you in time for dinner," suggested Jim. The dark circles under Blair's eyes told the Sentinel that his Guide had not slept comfortably for a long time. He sat down on the bed and reached for the tattered shirt that barely covered Blair's chest. 

Blair submitted, allowing his new Sentinel to undress him. Jim was startled as he tugged off the torn jeans to see that his Guide wore no underwear. His fingers ghosted over the numerous cuts and bruises on the pale skin, his sight homing in on the discoloration surrounding the abused genitals. A gentle touch on his arm brought him out of the light zone. 

_My Sentinel...?_ Jim heard the tentative words as they touched his mind. 

"I'm sorry, Blair." _In so many ways,_ Jim added to himself. He lifted the blankets and helped his Guide to get comfortable. Stroking back the long hair that had fallen into Blair's face, Jim leaned down to press a kiss against the exposed temple. "Sleep well." 

Rising, Jim took one last look at his new Guide as he headed back out into the living room. He rounded the corner and headed straight for the stairs to his bedroom. No Guide of his was going to parade around naked. When he'd finished the adoption process, Blair had been brought out in the rags that Jim had just stripped off him, with no other possessions to his name. Rummaging through his drawers and closet for items that were currently a bit too small, Jim began to accumulate a small wardrobe for his Guide. Tomorrow, they would have to go shopping for clothes that fit properly. 

+++++ 

Later that afternoon, Jim stood at the stovetop, stirring a pot of homemade spaghetti sauce. Blair emerged from his room, clad in the soft sweats and a T-shirt Jim had left at the foot of his bed. 

"Looking good there, Chief," Jim commented as his Guide cautiously approached. 

"Thanks for the clothes, man," Blair said softly. "Alex didn't leave me with much." 

"We'll go shopping tomorrow; get you something that fits." 

Blair rubbed his hand down his side, stroking the soft fabrics. "These fit fine." 

Jim shook his head and smiled. "They're so big, they almost fall off you," he replied. "We'll shop for some _real_ clothes tomorrow. No arguments." 

Blair froze for a moment, as though feeling chastised by the gentle comment. Finally, he reached for the spoon in Jim's hand. "I can do that," he suggested. 

"You don't have to," Jim insisted, continuing to stir. 

Becoming bolder, Blair took the spoon out of Jim's hand and began stirring, shoving the Sentinel to one side with his hip. "I've only got one good arm," he explained, "so this is about all I'm good for. I want to help." 

Jim shrugged. "Okay. Thanks. The noodles are draining over in the sink. I'll tear up some lettuce for a salad." 

When everything was finally ready, Jim carried their plates to the dining table and helped Blair to get comfortable. "Dig in." 

"This is really good," Blair exclaimed after several mouthfuls. "It's been a long time since I enjoyed some good, old-fashioned cooking." 

"What did you do before you became a Guide?" Jim asked, trying to coax Blair into a conversation. He shoved the plate stacked with garlic bread across the table with a grin. 

Taking a slice of the aromatic toast, Blair tentatively returned the smile. "I was a student of Anthropology at Rainier University. I have my Masters, and was going for my doctorate." 

"So what happened?" 

Blair rapped at his skull with a balled fist. " _This_ is what happened," he said ruefully. "Apparently, something stimulated a latent empathic ability and _wham_! Suddenly, I'm Sentinel fodder." 

"You had to go register -" 

"Hell, yes," Blair replied, his voice soft and quavering. "It's like some kind of perverted draft system. My number came up, and I was taken in for training. I never got a chance to finish my thesis." 

"What were you studying?" asked Jim when the conversation faltered. 

"Sentinels." Blair looked up from his dinner plate to see Jim's reaction. 

Jim's eyebrows rose in surprise. "You're a Doctor of Sentinel Studies?" 

"Almost," said Blair with a slight nod. "Little did I know that I'd end up with first-person experience." 

"Did you have any Sentinel other than Alex Barnes?" Jim asked, staring into the depths of the troubled, blue eyes. 

Blair shook his head. "No. She came looking and liked what she saw. I considered myself lucky, at first. I'm het all the way, and was relieved to be paired with a female Sentinel. I figured that if she were the kind who liked sex to bond, at least it would be pleasant. She was a good looking woman, after all." 

"How soon did she start abusing you?" At Blair's disturbed look, Jim changed tactics. "Are you uncomfortable talking about this? If you are, we can change the subject." 

Taking a deep breath, Blair shook his head. "You have a right to know. I'm your Guide now, and we're going to have to work things out... somehow." He pushed his plate away, his appetite suddenly gone. "She didn't start in right away. For about the first month I was thinking that maybe being a Guide wasn't going to be so bad after all. There was even the chance she might allow me to finish my studies and get my degree. 

"But then one day, she brings out her box of 'toys'. She cuffed me face down on the bed and began to whip me. After that, she insisted on a sexual bonding. My back hurt so much that I couldn't maintain an erection, so she brought out a cock ring. It all went downhill from there." 

"I don't need to know the details," said Jim, shaking his head. "God, I'm sorry you had to go through that." 

His appetite suddenly gone, Blair pushed the plate to one side and sighed. "You and me, both." 

Jim pushed his chair back and stood, picking up the two plates and carrying them into the kitchen. He set them on the counter, intending to deal with the leftovers later, and turned to his new Guide. 

"Why don't you come join me on the couch, and we'll talk?" asked Jim, making his way to the sofa and sitting on the near end. He patted the cushion beside him. 

Blair edged around the barrier separating him from the Sentinel and took a few cautious steps toward the couch. 

"I don't bite; I promise," said Jim, smiling at the young man. 

Blair took the long way around the couch, walking the length of the back and coming around to sit on the far cushion. "At the Hostel... you could see the spirit guides." Jim nodded at the tentative statement. "Are they here now?" 

Jim looked around the room and shook his head. "I don't see them. Does that mean something?" 

"I think it means they know we don't need them." Blair picked at the stitching on the cushion with a fingernail. "Alex couldn't see them." 

"Your former Sentinel?" 

Blair nodded. "She didn't believe me when I told her about them. But then, she didn't care about anything other than fucking and finding new ways to humiliate me." 

"Kristie told me that Alex was into bondage and sadism." 

Blair's eyes drifted closed and he wiped away an offending tear as he nodded. "She got off on hearing me scream." 

Jim scooted across the sofa until he was sitting on the middle cushion. Reaching out, he took one of Blair's hands, clasping it warmly. "Pat and I were lovers, as well as Sentinel and Guide," he began. "I want that again. I don't have any desire to hurt or dominate; I want us to be partners, in every sense of the word." 

Blair let his head drop, his eyes shielded from view by a curtain of chestnut-colored curls. "I've never been with a man," he admitted. "It scares me." 

Jim slipped a finger under Blair's chin and lifted the younger man's head so that he could see the cloudy, blue eyes. "Then we won't push it," he said firmly. "I'm willing to wait until you're ready, if you ever are." He scooted closer, until their thighs touched, and wrapped an arm around the thin shoulders, pulling Blair to his chest. "I still want you for my Guide. Can you do that much for me?" 

"I'll try." 

"That's all I can ask." Jim rose from the couch, giving his Guide some personal space and headed back to the kitchen where he fetched two bottles of Coors from the refrigerator. "Want a beer? There's a Jags game on tonight I want to watch." 

Blair smiled cautiously and nodded. "Thanks." 

The two men settled into a comradely silence as they watched the opening plays of the basketball game. 

+++++ 

"This is too much," Blair argued as Jim continued to shop, filling his arms with soft denim jeans and a variety of jewel-colored Henley-style shirts. 

"Why don't you grab a couple packages of briefs," Jim suggested, ignoring the comment. "Unless you'd rather have boxers?" 

"Either is fine," Blair replied, taking one package of briefs in his size from the shelf. 

Jim shook his head. "That's not going to last you until laundry day; take at least two packages." Blair picked up another package as Jim steered him toward a display of boxers. "I prefer boxers, myself. Pick yourself a week's worth while I check out socks." 

"We're going to need a cart," Blair complained, tucking the packages of briefs into his sling to carry as he began looking through the boxers for a color and design that wasn't too outlandish. By the time he had finished picking out the seven pair Jim had insisted upon, the Sentinel was back with a shopping cart for their purchases. 

"There, are you happy?" Jim teased. 

Blair dumped his selections into the cart and looked up at Jim with uncertainty in his eyes. "Are you sure you're okay with this?" He indicated the filling cart with a wave of his hand. "This is going to set you back a paycheck or two." 

"Can't be helped," replied Jim with a shrug. "I have to have you dressed in reasonable attire for the police station when I return to work. Besides, you need the stuff." 

"I'll pay you back," Blair insisted. "I don't know how, but I will." 

"I'm not concerned about it, Darwin, and you shouldn't be either. Come on," he said, pushing the cart down the long aisle toward the shoe department. "You need something for your feet, too." 

Forty minutes later, they were packing the back of Jim's pickup with their purchases. Blair was shaking his head as he climbed into the passenger's seat. "This is all too much," he repeated softly. "I don't deserve half of that stuff." 

"That's where you're wrong," Jim corrected him. "You deserve that, and more... but that's all I can afford this time out. As my Guide, you deserve the world." 

Blair blushed and turned his head away to look out at the passing scenery. The streets were decked for Christmas, which was less than a month away. Busy shoppers bustled along the sidewalks; their arms filled with gifts for loved ones. _Jim has already given me so much. What have I got to give in return?_ Uncomfortable with the thought, Blair crossed his arms and hunkered down in his seat. 

"Something bothering you?" 

Jim's astute assessment of his Guide's emotions made Blair squirm. "Nah. I'm just cold," he obfuscated before falling silent once more. 

After they got home and the purchases had all been put away, Jim glanced at his watch and grimaced. "I promised Simon I'd come in today," he said tightly. "I wish now that I'd told him I needed more time." 

"I-I'll go in with you," said Blair, hesitating over whether or not his Sentinel would want him at his side. "Alex never took me out; never let me work with her -" 

"Not today, Hot Shot," Jim said, grabbing his coat as he headed for the door. At Blair's crestfallen look, he paused. "I want you, and I fully intend to bring you on the job with me; just not today. You need time for that arm to heal up first. Take some time to relax and get used to living here. I'll be home in time for dinner." 

+++++ 

Blair watched as his Sentinel walked out the door, leaving him alone in the large apartment. Alone. Free. Alex Barnes had never left him alone unless she had him handcuffed to the bed. He'd been nothing more than a slave to her unusual sexual appetite and not a proper Guide at all. But it looked like things were going to be different with Jim. 

Walking over to the bookcase, he perused the selections filed there. Jim was a very eclectic reader. He had everything from the latest Tom Clancy novel to _The Five Ways of Strategy_ by Miyamoto Musashi, but nothing caught the anthropologist's fancy. Blair turned to the couch, picking up the remote and thumbing through the channels. 

+++++ 

Jim returned home later than he had hoped. Loaded down with a large bag of take-out from the Golden Pavilion, he rummaged for his key and opened the door. "Sorr..." His apology died on his lips and he grinned at the sight of his Guide, curled up asleep on the couch, the TV still prattling softly in the background. 

Walking over to the dining table, he set down the large sack and began removing the various white take-out boxes. Not knowing what Blair liked, Jim had gotten a variety of menu items - enough for at least two meals. After the table was set, he approached the couch and gently shook its occupant. "Time to get up and have something to eat, sleepyhead." 

"Huuumph?" 

Blair's mumbled reply reached the Sentinel's ears and he chuckled. "Come on, wake up! The food's getting cold." 

"Food?" Blair opened his eyes and blinked away the sleepiness. He sat up slowly and, after a yawn and stretch, seemed to notice the scent coming from the dining area. "Chinese?" 

"Hope you like it." 

"Love it!" Blair stood and made his way to the table, looking over the selection. 

Jim began opening the different boxes and laying out the chopsticks. "I didn't know what you liked, so I got a variety." 

"I like it all," Blair informed him, taking a pair of chopsticks and digging into the nearest box of orange chicken. 

"Eat up, then. It's been a long day." Jim settled at the table and waited until Blair sat down opposite him. "So, what have you been up to?" 

Blair shrugged. "There's not much to do. Mostly, I watched TV. How about you? Tell me about your day, and why you're so late." 

Jim sighed. "I should have called, but I got asked at the last moment to make a court appearance. Damn, I hate testifying!" 

"I thought you were desk-bound until you can bring me in to work?" Blair looked up over his chow mein at the Sentinel. 

"I am," said Jim with a nod. "This was an older case that finally came to trial. Simon said they probably wouldn't need my testimony, but at the last moment the prosecutor decided he wanted me there. Oh well, it's over and done now." 

"You look beat," Blair commented softly. "Maybe you should go to bed early tonight." 

"I think I'll do that. How about joining me in a shower after dinner? After that, I'll hit the sack." 

"S-Shower? _With_ you?" Blair stammered. 

"Sure, why not? Saves water and we both get out faster. I can help you wash that mop of hair," Jim suggested with an easy grin. "Besides, it's a good way to bond." 

Blair's cheeks flushed a bright pink and he bent over his plate, pretending to eat. "I-I sup-pose," he muttered. 

"Good! Well, I'm done," said Jim, rising and picking up a couple of the take-out boxes. "Want any more?" 

"No, I'm just about through here, too," said Blair. "I'll just finish what's on my plate." 

Jim began gathering the leftovers to put in the fridge. "I'll get the dishwasher loaded and then go start the water for the shower." 

"O-Okay..." Blair's heart hammered in his chest. This was his home now, his Sentinel, and he was going to have to get used to doing things Jim's way. Only... Jim wanted a lover as well as a Guide, and Blair wasn't at all certain he could give that part of himself to any man. "I'll be there in a few minutes." 

"Don't take too long," Jim called out on his way to the bathroom. "I'll try to save some hot water for you." 

Blair finished his meal to the sound of water rushing in the bathroom shower. He rinsed his plate and loaded it into the dishwasher with the other dirty dishes, stalling for time as he tried to decide how he was going to handle this new development. 

"You coming, Chief? Hurry up." Jim voice floated out from the open bathroom door. 

Heaving a large sigh, Blair headed to the small room, entering to see Jim's nude silhouette behind the shower curtain. With reluctance, he began to strip, tossing his clothes in the hamper before hesitating in front of the tub. 

Jim pulled back the shower curtain and smiled. "It's about time you got here. Get in." 

"I-I'm not supposed to get my cast wet," said Blair, suddenly aware of his Sentinel's rock hard erection. "The doctor told me to take baths, not showers, until it comes off." 

"Well, why didn't you say something?" Jim reached down to adjust the water flow, plugging the drain and letting the tub fill with water. Sitting down, he gestured to his Guide. "Come on in, the water's fine." 

Taking a deep breath, Blair stepped into the tub and felt Jim's hands on his hips, helping to stabilize him as he sat down between the Sentinel's spread legs. Jim pulled Blair's back against him, and soaped his hands, beginning the bathing by scrubbing the furred chest. As his fingers brushed over the tight nipples, Blair stiffened, sitting up straight. 

"Whoa, just relax, Junior," Jim said warmly. "Nothing's going to happen; don't worry. Come on, relax..." He tugged gently at the stiff shoulders. "Lean back against me; rest your head on my shoulder and let me wash you." 

Blair did as instructed, feeling awkward and shy as he felt the boner press into his backside as Jim's hands continued their ministrations on his chest. Purposeful strokes of thumbs over his nipples made Blair gasp with unexpected pleasure. As the hands moved lower on his body, Blair wistfully wished for more attention to the tight nubs. 

Jim stopped his soaping just short of Blair's groin, pushing him forward so that he could wash the scarred back. Sentinel fingers traced the welts and grooves left by Blair's former Sentinel. With a sudden urge to protect his precious Guide came the thought that if Blair hadn't killed the bitch, _he_ surely would have. 

"Jim? You okay back there?" Blair had grown concerned when Jim's hands had stopped moving for more than a few moments. 

Shaking himself out of his reverie, Jim continued to lather his Guide's back. "I'm fine. Just thinking, that's all." He pulled Blair back against himself again and soaped Blair's right arm, then moved to his groin. 

At the first touch of Jim's hand on his penis, Blair shot upright again, pushing Jim away. "That's okay; I can do that." 

Jim sighed and backed off, waiting until Blair's rapid breathing slowed to normal. "The water's getting cool. We'd better hurry up and finish." He began scooping handfuls of water to rinse Blair's back. "I guess you'll have to let me do that hair of yours in the kitchen sink until you're able to shower again." 

"Yeah, thanks," Blair replied, quickly finishing his bath. 

"Stay put," said Jim, standing and carefully stepping out of the slippery tub before offering his hands to Blair. 

The younger man clasped Jim's hand and allowed Jim to slip his other hand under Blair's cast to support his weight as he got out of the tub. Stumbling out onto the mat, Blair fell in to the waiting Sentinel. Jim wrapped his arms around Blair to steady him, then got a towel and began drying the shivering Guide. 

"Need some help getting dressed?" Jim offered. 

"No, I'm good," Blair replied, wrapping the towel around his waist and hurrying out of the bathroom toward his bedroom across the hall. Once inside, he sank down on the bed. Good God, what had happened in there? And had Jim noticed that his cock was standing at half-mast? Ignoring the burgeoning erection, Blair slipped on a pair of boxer shorts and went to his closet to get a pair of sweatpants for sleeping in. 

As he lay in bed trying to fall asleep, his mind raced with conflicting thoughts. It had been well over a year, just before his draft into the Guide program, since he'd had a spontaneous erection. He could even remember the girl - Maya. At the time, he'd thought she might be the "one." But after Alex Barnes set her claws in him, all hope of a normal life had melted away. Alex had been insatiable. When Blair couldn't get it up for her, she'd use artificial means to get and keep him hard. But now... He wasn't gay; he wasn't even interested in men... that way. Then how to explain the ache in his groin and longing in his heart for more of the gentle touch? 

Restless, he tried turning over, only to groan as his cock ground into the mattress. He knew what Jim wanted, but despite his unexpected arousal, he didn't think he could give that part of himself. He'd be a Guide, and a damned good one too, but lover and life partner? He moaned, burying his face in his pillow and willing away his rebellious emotions. 

+++++ 

_Three weeks later:_

Blair rubbed his right hand over his left arm, which had just been freed from the heavy cast. It was slightly thinner and paler than its counterpart, but was finally whole once more. Doctor Stewart handed him a sheet of paper detailing exercises to get his full strength back. 

"These exercises should take you no more than five or ten minutes, three times a day," the doctor was saying. "Do them faithfully, and I'll see you back here for a final checkup in four weeks." 

"Thank you, Dr. Stewart," said Blair, slipping off the exam table and putting his shirt back on. 

"Just don't let me see you in here again," Stewart added, shaking his index finger at the Guide in mock seriousness. 

Blair chuckled. "I don't think you have to worry about that," he said. "I have a new Sentinel now." 

"Good, good! I'm glad to hear it. If you have any questions, feel free to call the office." 

Blair hesitated a moment, swallowing the lump that was forming in his throat. "My new Sentinel - he's very good to me," Blair added quickly. "But he... he wants a sexual bond, like he had with his former Guide. And I-I don't know what to do. We've been dancing around his attraction to me ever since he brought me home from the Hostel." 

"What is it that you're asking, Blair?" Dr. Stewart inquired, settling down in his chair as he studied the nervous Guide. 

"I'm not sure. Sorry I took up your time," Blair said, turning to leave. "Thank you for everything." 

"Just a minute." Stewart's voice stopped Blair in his tracks. "You have an issue; is it medical?" 

"Well..." Blair sank into the chair next to the doctor's desk. "It's just that, I've been feeling attracted to Jim, too. I'm not gay -" 

"As a Guide, you don't have to be gay to be sexually attracted to your Sentinel," the doctor explained. "It's a natural part of the bonding process. Some couples take it all the way, others keep the relationship platonic." 

"I've been wrestling with the idea of giving Jim what he wants. He's been so sweet, so loving... his touch -" Blair sighed. "But I'm scared. I've never been with a man, and I don't really know the mechanics of it. The thought of having that huge cock of his inside me scares the bejesus out of me!" 

The doctor rummaged in his desk drawer and pulled out a tube of water-soluble lubricant. "You can't expect to have pain-free intercourse for your first time," he explained. "But if you're properly prepared, it shouldn't be too bad. Make sure Jim uses this," Stewart handed the tube to Blair, "to stretch you first. Take your time, and don't be in a hurry to consummate your bond. When you're relaxed and stretched -" 

"How... how would he stretch me? How is it done?" The blood had drained from Blair's face at the frank discussion, but he was determined to find out what he needed to know. 

"Jim would lube one finger and insert it into you, as I do here in the office when I'm performing a rectal exam." 

"O-Okay." Blair nodded. "That's not too bad." 

"Once you're comfortable, he'd try inserting two fingers and scissoring," the doctor demonstrated with his index and middle fingers, "until your muscles are stretched and relaxed. After that, he would slowly insert his penis." 

Blair swallowed the lump in his throat. "T-That's all there is to it?" 

"Basically," Stewart said, nodding. "As I said, there will be discomfort the first time, no matter how carefully you're prepared. But my patients who choose to bond sexually tell me there's no other experience like it in the world." He stood up and patted Blair's shoulder. "Good luck. Do your exercises, and remember that it's your decision whether or not to have that special bond with Jim." 

Rising, Blair shook the doctor's hand. "Thanks, Dr. Stewart. I appreciate you taking the time to talk with me." He pocketed the tube of lubricant as he turned to leave. 

"Any time, Blair. Remember, call the office if you have any more questions - about anything." 

+++++ 

Jim rose from his seat in the waiting room as Blair stepped out from the exam area. Anxious to know how things were going with his Guide, and why a simple cast removal was taking so long, he had broken his own private rule about eavesdropping and had listened in on the conversation between Blair and the doctor. He was touched by the empathy and fear of his Guide, and determined to make things as easy as possible, if Blair chose to give him that final gift. 

"How'd it go?" 

Blair held up his arm, now free from the cast and sling. "Great, man!" He rotated his left shoulder and swung his arm up and around over his head. "It feels really good to be able to use my arm again." 

"I'll bet!" Jim agreed. 

"Doctor Stewart gave me some exercises to do everyday, and he wants to see me again in four weeks." 

"Would you like to make the appointment now?" the receptionist interrupted. 

Blair turned toward the desk, smiling. "Sure, might as well." 

"How does Thursday, January 18th at 9:15 a.m. sound?" 

Blair glanced over at Jim, who nodded. "Fine, thanks. I'll see you then." The receptionist held out an appointment card that Blair pocketed as he headed for the office door. 

As they climbed into the truck, Jim turned to his Guide. "How would you feel about stopping by the station on the way home? Everyone has been badgering me to bring you in and introduce you around. Are you up to that?" 

"Yeah, that would be fine," Blair agreed. "I've been wanting to see where you work." 

"Are you okay?" Jim asked, sensing something a little off kilter with his partner. 

"What makes you ask?" Blair shot back defensively. 

Jim shrugged as he started the engine and pulled out into the afternoon traffic. "Oh, I don't know. You look a little pale, that's all." 

A faint blush tinted the wan face. "I'm fine, really," said Blair. "Let's go meet your colleagues." 

+++++ 

"So, this is your new Guide?" Detective Henri Brown greeted his friend. "Hey there, Hairboy, welcome to the club." 

"This is Henri, also known around here as 'H'," Jim introduced the large, black man to Blair. "Henri needs to learn some manners around Guides. Henri, meet Blair." 

"Nice to meet you." Blair's voice was soft and he kept his hands to himself, even though the detective had extended his. 

Jim batted at Henri's outstretched hand. "Blair is an empath, H. Hands off, okay?" 

Henri held up his hands, palms out, in defeat. "Meant no harm, my brother. Meant no harm." 

Jim steered Blair over to his desk and pressed the Guide down into the chair. "Stay put while I go check in with Simon." 

"Jim?" When the Sentinel turned his attention back to his Guide, Blair continued. "How come Henri didn't know how to behave around me? I thought you and Patrick worked together. Shouldn't the detectives here be used to dealing with Guides?" 

"They are," said Jim. "They're just not used to dealing with empaths." 

"But all Guides are empathic to some degree," Blair argued, "or they couldn't be Guides." 

"Patrick wasn't as sensitive as you are, Chief. People around here are just going to have to get used to treating you differently." 

"Jim!" Simon's voice boomed out from his office door. 

"I'd better get going. Wait here until I come for you." Jim waited for Blair's nod of acknowledgment, and then went to see his boss. 

"Hey, Simon!" 

"So you finally brought your Guide in, did you?" Simon asked, ushering his detective into the office and closing the door. "What took so long?" 

"Well, for one, Blair was abused before and it's taken some time for us to gain a level of trust high enough that I could bring him on the job," Jim explained. "Secondly, he just got his arm out of the cast today." 

Simon handed his friend a cup of coffee and perched on the corner of his desk. "So, you think this one is going to work out? He doesn't look the type for police work." 

"He's smart, Simon. And he has a Masters degree in Sentinel Studies; he's an anthropologist. Could come in handy during investigations," Jim argued. "I agree, he doesn't look the type for police work, but you need to give him a chance. We clicked right away, and I knew I wasn't going to look any further for a new Guide." 

"Hmmm..." Simon said, looking out his window at Blair. The young man was busy doing something on Jim's computer. "You'd better get out there and see what he's up to. Bring him in here, I want to meet him." 

"Sure thing, Simon. Be right back." Jim walked out to his desk, surprising his Guide. "What do you think you're doing?" he asked softly. 

Blair glanced up quickly. "Oh! Just reading through some of your reports," he answered. "Interesting stuff. Hey, if I'm going to work with you, do I get a badge and a gun?" 

"Let's not push it, shall we?" Jim said with a chuckle. "Come on, the boss wants to meet you." 

Blair stood and followed Jim into Simon's office. 

"Simon, this is Blair. Blair, Simon Banks, Captain of Major Crime." 

"It's very nice to meet you, Blair," said Simon, nodding his acknowledgment of the introduction. "Would you like a cup of coffee? My cousin sent me the new roast from his shop. Something about Guatemalan-Mocha-Turkish-Dark, whatever the hell it was. It all tastes like Maxwell House to me." He offered a mug to the Guide. 

"Thank you." Blair took the coffee and admired the rich fragrance before taking a sip. 

"How about you, Jim? Need a cup?" Simon asked. 

Jim shook his head. "No thanks." Settling in one of the two chairs in front of Simon's desk, he looked up at his boss. "So, are you ready to let me back on the streets?" 

Simon chuckled. "Getting a little claustrophobic in the bullpen?" 

"You could say that," Jim answered dryly. His disdain of paperwork was well known to the captain. 

"Well, get Blair up to speed on police procedure and I'll see about lifting the desk duty restriction," Simon agreed. "It was nice meeting you, Blair." 

"Thanks for the coffee." Blair handed the mug back to the captain before following Jim back out into the bullpen. "So, what's next?" 

"We need to get you down to Personnel and fill out the forms for your ID badge," Jim said, leading the way out into the hall and over to the elevator. "After that, I can set you down with the procedural manual and you can start getting up to speed." 

Blair nodded. "Sounds good to me. When do we get to go out on the streets together?" 

"With the holidays coming up?" Jim mused, "Probably not until after the first of the year. I've got some time off coming, and I intend to take it starting Christmas Eve." 

They exited the hall in front of Personnel. 

"Ah, Jim?" Blair pulled on his Sentinel's sleeve for attention. "That coffee I had in Simon's office? It's banging on my bladder. Let me go take care of that first, okay?" 

"Okay, but hurry up," said Jim with an indulgent smile. He watched as Blair hurried down the hall and waited for his return. In less than five minutes, Blair was back, a relieved smile on his face. "Better?" 

"Much." 

The two men entered the Personnel Office and stopped in front of the receptionist's desk. 

"Detective Ellison," Vera greeted with a polite nod. 

"Hey, Vera," said Jim. "This is my Guide, Blair Sandburg. We need to get him his PD identification." 

Vera reached for some papers and a book from her shelves and pushed them across the desk. "You're required to read the manual, fill out all the application materials, and sign the consent form." 

Blair took the pile of forms and began leafing through them. 

"There's a table over there," said Vera, pointing, "where you can fill them in." 

"Okay, great," Blair replied, walking over to the table and sitting down. Pulling a pen out of his pocket, he began filling out his paperwork. 

Jim hovered for a few moments by the receptionist's desk. "Vera, is that White Shoulders that you're wearing?" 

Vera smiled, accepting the words as a compliment. For the middle-aged matron, kind words were few and far between. "It's not too much, is it?" she asked shyly. 

"No, not at all," Jim answered, truthfully. "It's just that whenever I smell White Shoulders, it reminds me of my grandmother." 

"Your grandmother?" The smile on Vera's face collapsed and she glared at the handsome detective. 

Oblivious to the sudden chill in the room, Jim answered succinctly. "Right." 

"Don't you have some place you have to be, Detective," said Vera, her voice frosty. 

Blair found it hard to stifle a chuckle at his Sentinel's faux pas, but managed by concentrating all his energy on filling out the forms in front of him. 

"Not really," Jim replied. "Once Blair is finished, we're out of here until the New Year." 

"Wonderful," Vera said without enthusiasm. Turning to Blair, she continued. "Now, Guide Sandburg, the department requests all incoming personnel to submit to a drug test. I hope that won't be a problem? 

Blair looked up from his forms, brushing long hair out of his eyes. "Do I look like that would be a problem?" He paused, taking in the amused looks on both Vera's and Jim's faces. He shook his head and went back to his paperwork. "Never mind; don't answer that." 

"We need a urine sample," Vera persisted. 

"Oh... now, that actually might be a problem, you see... 'cause, um..." Blair hesitated, "I just went." 

Jim turned to the receptionist. "We can do that later, right? I'll bring in the sample later today." 

"Actually," Vera replied, "we need the sample taken in this office." She indicated a small lavatory toward the back of the room. "If an applicant is taking any form of illegal drugs, we don't want to give them a chance to get the drugs out of their system before bringing in the sample." 

"It's all right, Jim," said Blair. "By the time I finish with these forms, I'll probably have to go again." 

+++++ 

It was after 5:00 before they finally got out of the Personnel Office. Blair had the Procedures book firmly tucked under one arm. "At last! I didn't know it would take so long to fill out all that paperwork!" he said, sighing. 

"All that matters is that you're now my official partner," said Jim, wrapping an arm around Blair's shoulders. 

Blair felt a spike of warmth spread through his body. Not more than a month ago, he'd been a broken Guide, sheltered in the Hostel under constant supervision and feeling he could never guide another Sentinel. Now, here he was, loved and cherished, and looking forward to a long career with Jim. It was almost enough... almost. 

Jim sensed the hesitation and turned to Blair. "Is something wrong?" 

A slow smile split his Guide's face. "No, nothing. As a matter of fact, everything's right." 

+++++ 

That evening after dinner, Blair turned to his Sentinel, a sudden urge overcoming him. Bracing his hands on Jim's shoulders, he raised up on his toes enough to plant a firm, brief kiss on Jim's lips. 

"Whoa!" Jim stumbled backward a step, startled by the bold move. "What was that for?" 

"Because... b-because I want to give you what you want," Blair stammered. "I think I'm ready." 

Jim steered Blair over to the couch and pressed him down onto the cushions, then sat next to him. "What makes you think you're ready? Blair, this is a big move on your part. You realize, that was our first kiss?" 

Blair nodded. "I know. I realize what I'm getting into, and I want to do it." 

"Why? Why now?" asked Jim. "Don't get me wrong," he hurried on, "I'm flattered, and I want you... but... why now?" 

Blair's hands twisted nervously in his lap. "I've been with you for almost a full month now," he began. "You took a big chance, adopting me; knowing my background. I might not have been able to bond with you at all. But you took me in, clothed me, treated me with kindness and respect... loved me." He looked up, catching Jim's intense gaze. "And up to now, I haven't given you anything back." 

Jim shook his head. "That's not true. You've guided me, controlled my senses just by staying near me, given me your friendship." 

"But you want more. You've always wanted more," Blair said softly. 

"And I understood that you might never be able to give it," Jim countered. He reached out and tucked a stray wisp of hair behind Blair's ear. "You don't have to do this out of a misplaced feeling of 'owing' me anything." 

"I want to," Blair insisted. "I want it for me. After what I went through with Alex, I didn't think I could feel love again, but you taught me how. I-I want to sleep with you tonight..." His voice suddenly deserted him. 

Jim gathered his Guide into his arms. "Oh, God, Blair... I didn't think I'd ever hear you say those words," he whispered into one bejeweled ear. 

"I-I'm nervous," Blair murmured into Jim's shoulder. 

Jim pushed back to look Blair in the eyes. After studying the cerulean depths for a few seconds, he nodded. "I know you are, Sweetheart, so we'll take this really slow." 

Blair swallowed the lump growing in his throat. "H-How slow?" 

"How about another kiss?" Jim suggested. 

Blair nodded, closing his eyes and leaning forward to meet Jim's lips. Afraid to spoil this special moment, Jim moved slowly, pressing his lips against Blair's, his tongue probing gently for entrance. There was a slight hesitation, and then Blair's mouth opened, letting Jim sweep inside for a sensory feast. As the kiss deepened, Blair's tongue made tentative advances. Jim let him explore, savoring the sensation of his Guide in his mouth. 

Eventually, both men needed to come up for air. Blair was panting and flushed, the scent of his arousal enflaming his Sentinel. With great effort, Jim ignored his straining erection, remembering his promise to take it slow. 

"Oh, God... Oh... wow!" Blair panted. "I didn't know it could be like that with a man!" 

"That, and so much more," Jim promised, petting back damp strands of tangled hair as he leaned in for one last, brief brush of lips on lips. "Let's take a shower. After that, you can decide what it is you want to do next." 

"I want you to make love to me," Blair said breathlessly. "I want to feel you inside me." 

"Let's wait until after the shower," said Jim, helping Blair up and steering him toward the bathroom. 

This was to be only their second shower together, the first time being when Blair still had his cast. The Guide self-consciously stripped while Jim started the water and adjusted the temperature. Both men stepped under the cascade of water and Jim grabbed the bottle of Blair's shampoo. 

"Get your hair wet, I'm going to wash it for you," he said softly. 

Blair turned to let the water sluice over his head, taking time to let it thoroughly soak the thick mane of curls. Then, turning his back to Jim, he allowed the Sentinel to lather his hair. A sigh of contentment passed through slightly parted lips as Jim's fingers massaged Blair's scalp. 

"Like that, do you?" Jim asked, his grin showing clearly in his voice. 

Blair nodded. "Mmm-hm... Wonderful," he responded, relaxing slightly under the gentle ministrations. "I've never had anyone else wash my hair before. It's nice." 

"I'll do it every day, if you want," said Jim, nuzzling through the lather on Blair's neck. "Time to rinse." He turned Blair around and allowed the Guide to clean the shampoo from his hair. 

"Come here." Jim turned Blair so that the Guide's back was to him and pulled the younger man against his chest. Just like the time before, he lathered his hands and began soaping Blair's chest, paying close attention to the hard nubs protruding from the thick hair. 

"Ah, God, Jim!" Blair squirmed as Jim's thumbs brushed over his nipples, arching his back in the hope of adding more pressure to the sensitive flesh. 

Jim bore down, rubbing and pinching at the erect peaks as Blair leaned against him, resting his head on Jim's shoulder. The Sentinel leaned down, nipping and marking the sensitive flesh in the juncture of neck and shoulder. 

Blair's moans of pleasure filled the small room, echoing in the Sentinel's heart. "I love you, Baby," Jim whispered as he continued to kiss Blair's shoulder, his hands now brushing the slender hips and cupping the round globes of Blair's ass. 

"I love you, too," Blair gasped. "God help me, but I love you!" 

Jim's hands slipped to Blair's groin, one cupping the heavy sac of Blair's testicles while the other began stroking the length of the hardening cock. Blair froze at the intimate touch, but didn't pull away. 

Sensing his Guide's unease, Jim began a soft monologue. "It's okay, Sweetheart. I'll never hurt you, I promise. Just relax... it feels good, doesn't it?" Blair's head nodded against his shoulder. "Okay, then relax, Baby; that's good... yes." He continued to stroke the shaft, brushing a thumb over the straining glans and making Blair gasp. 

"I-I've never... No man has... has... Nobody has ever touched me b-before," Blair stammered. 

"Their loss," said Jim. "You're magnificent." 

Blair could feel the waves of arousal building as Jim continued to stroke and work his penis like a master violinist playing the finest instrument. He began to squirm as his orgasm built to a peak. 

Jim was startled when Blair pulled away, rinsing quickly and stepping out of the shower. He turned off the water and joined his partner on the mat, taking the towel in Blair's hands and squeezing the excess water from the thick hair while Blair wound another towel around his waist, covering his straining cock. 

"What's the matter? Did I do something wrong?" Jim asked, hurt that Blair couldn't, or wouldn't, come for him. 

"N-No... It was... good," Blair said, blushing. "I don't know... It's just so... different." Then, in a turn of subject that took Jim completely off-guard, he asked, "Did you love Patrick?" 

"What?" Jim dropped the towel he'd been using on Blair's hair and grabbed a dry one to wrap around his waist. 

"Did you love Patrick?" Blair repeated. "You had sex with him, but did you love him?" 

Jim considered the question. "Patrick was my Guide and the best friend I'd ever had," he said slowly. "We shared a special bond and expressed it physically. But -" He paused, carefully choosing his next words. "I didn't have the same feelings in here," he pounded at his chest, "as I do for you. I miss Patrick. His death left a hole in my life. He was my friend. But... I didn't _love_ him. Not the way I love you." 

"But why me?" Blair asked. "I was damaged goods when you found me. You didn't even know if I'd make a decent Guide, much less if I could ever love you in return. So why?" 

"I think..." Jim shook his head. "I think it was our spirit guides. Seeing them together. Patrick told me that the spirit guides are wise, that if we only open our eyes to what they're trying to tell us, we could never go wrong." He grasped Blair's shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes. "Our spirit guides knew we were meant to be together, so I believed them. And because I took that leap of faith, I found something precious." Blair's head dropped, and he stared at their toes. 

"Blair?" Jim waited for his Guide to look up at him again. "I know this isn't easy for you -" 

"But I want it," Blair insisted, putting on a brave face. 

"You may say you do," Jim replied, "but I don't think you're quite ready. As much as it pains me to say this, I think you should sleep in your own room tonight. I'm not giving up," he continued, when it looked like Blair might protest. "I just want to take it slow; wait until you're comfortable." 

Blair let out a sigh and nodded. "If that's what you want." 

"It's not what I want," Jim protested weakly, "but I think it's for the best... for now." He leaned down to press his lips against Blair's pouting frown. "Good night, Chief." 

Blair watched as Jim put his towel in the hamper and walked, naked, out of the bathroom and up to his room. He turned to the mirror to work the tangles out of his hair, and then headed for his own bedroom, beneath Jim's. 

At the doorway lay the wolf and jaguar. Blair paused to stare at the pair. He hadn't seen their spirit guides since his stay in the Hostel. Then he remembered; they only appear when their wisdom is most needed. "What is it you're trying to tell me?" he asked softly. 

The wolf lay across the doorway, blocking Blair's entrance. The jaguar approached and the wolf rolled over, exposing its belly to the big cat in submission. The jaguar straddled the canine and bent low, licking the soft, gray fur. The wolf's tongue lolled from its mouth and it made mewling sounds of pleasure as the cat bathed it. When it finished, the jaguar curled up with the wolf, spooning with the canine, one large paw protectively over the wolf's shoulder. 

Blair watched a few minutes longer, his resolve growing as the pair of animals continued to block his way into the bedroom. Turning to the stairs, he quietly made his way up. Walking around to the far side of Jim's bed, he let the towel drop and pulled back the blankets. 

As soon as the mattress dipped, Jim opened his eyes. "What are you doing up here?" 

"Coming to sleep with you," Blair answered simply, snuggling down under the covers. 

"I heard you downstairs." Jim's voice was soft with concern. "Whom were you talking to?" 

Blair blushed. "Our spirit guides wouldn't let me in my room," he answered. "They wanted me here." He gathered the sheet around him uncertainly. "Do you want me to go back?" 

Jim looked into the precious face and smiled. "No, of course not. This is where you belong." He reached out and pulled Blair close. "Just answer me one thing. Why did you pull away? Why couldn't you let yourself go for me?" Jim could feel the heat of Blair's body as a deep blush darkened the pale skin. 

"I-I was to embarrassed," he admitted. "It's all so new, and it seemed, well... it seemed almost public, if you know what I mean." 

Jim shook his head. "No, not really," he admitted softly. 

"Alex always made us have sex in the dark," Blair explained. "It was like she wanted it, but didn't want to have to watch. Even before Alex, I-I only made love to women. I mean, I never..." 

A light began to dawn in the back of Jim's mind. "Ohhhh... You've never ejaculated while masturbating? Not even in the shower?" Blair shook his head, burying his face in Jim's chest. 

"God, Blair, I didn't know. I'm sorry," Jim whispered into the soft, apple-scented hair. "It's all right, you know. I want to see you come." He began stroking Blair's back, his fingers still sensitive to the ridges and valleys formed from the scar tissue of Blair's former abuse. That his Guide could even come to his bed voluntarily was a huge step forward. "We don't have to do anything tonight," he added at Blair's continued silence. 

"Just hold me," Blair entreated, rolling so that his back was pressed against Jim's chest. 

"I won't let anything hurt you," Jim promised, tightening his hold. Burying his face in the fragrant curls, Jim quickly fell asleep. 

Blair lay with his eyes open for a few minutes longer, wondering which path his future would follow. 

+++++ 

The next two days were filled with Christmas spirit as the two men took the truck to go tree hunting in the wilds of the Cascade foothills. Bringing home their prize, they set the tree near the balcony doors, moving furniture as needed to accommodate the decoration. They strung lights and put on a multitude of colored glass balls and ornaments collected over the years, some from as far back as Jim's childhood. 

The following day Jim went shopping, leaving Blair at home to do some baking. The sweet smell of cookies greeted Jim's nose when he came home with an armload of wrapped gifts for under the tree. 

"Oh, Jim! You shouldn't have," Blair protested, looking glum as he surveyed the gifts. "You know I don't have anything for you." As Jim's Guide, Blair was provided for, but he lacked an income to call his own; at least until he officially started his job with Jim at the police department. 

Jim hung up his coat and walked over to the kitchen, gathering Blair in his arms and giving him a kiss. "I got these things because I wanted you to have them," he replied. "I don't expect anything in return - other than the gift you've already given me - yourself." 

Blair struggled against the gentle hold. "I mean it, Jim. I don't want them. Please... it doesn't feel right. I'm sorry." 

Taking Blair's arm, Jim led him over to the couch and sat him down. "Look, this is our first Christmas together, and I wanted to make it special, " Jim explained. 

"It _is_ special!" Blair argued. "Look at what you've already done! The tree, the decorations... and I'm Jewish, remember?" His voice gentled and he lifted a hand to caress Jim's cheek. "I don't need a bunch of presents to know that you love me," he explained. "You give me that gift every single day." 

"But I already bought them," Jim protested weakly. "And I'm too tired to take them all back." 

"How about we donate them to a shelter?" suggested Blair. "There are lots of less fortunate people who could use and enjoy these gifts." 

Jim's eyes brightened and he nodded. "All right, but on one condition," he said, pinning Blair with his eyes. 

Blair nodded. "Okay... what's the condition?" 

Jim got up to kneel next to the tree and tug one package out from under the drooping branches. "You have to keep this one. Just this one." 

"It's a deal." 

Later that evening, two men dropped the gifts off at a local homeless shelter where they were received with open arms and tears of joy. 

"Merry Christmas, Jim." Blair grinned at the Sentinel as they got back into the truck to drive home. 

+++++ 

_Christmas Eve:_

"I'm going to bed early," Blair announced around 9:00 p.m. Standing, he stretched and yawned, then bent down to kiss the top of Jim's head. "Good night." 

"You can't stand it, can you?" Jim teased, having noted the longing and curious looks that Blair had shot at the gift under the tree all evening long. "You're just like a little kid." 

"Oh, you think so?" Blair retorted, climbing the stairs. Stopping at the top, he turned to look down at the Sentinel. "Then why don't you come up here and get _your_ present?" 

As Blair disappeared into their bedroom, Jim's mind reeled. _HIS present?_ Pushing up off the couch, he slowly made his way upstairs. "What's this about a present for me?" 

What he saw as he reached the top of the stairs gave Jim pause. Blair lay naked on their bed, stroking a growing erection. On the nightstand next to Jim's side of the bed lay a tube of water-soluble lubricant. 

"Are you ready to open your gift?" Blair asked coyly. 

"Oh, God, Blair... Sweetheart... are you sure?" Jim knelt on the floor next to the bed to be at eye level with his lover and Guide. 

Blair's eyes held a shadow of doubt and fear, but his mouth was set with firm determination. "Never more sure of anything in my life," he answered. 

Jim undressed quickly, slipping under the sheets to join his Guide. Capturing Blair's mouth with a hungry kiss, his hands roamed the lean body, feeling the slight tremor of excitement that sang through every muscle. As his hand reached the now-straining cock, Blair's hips rose to meet him, grinding into Jim's palm with a hungry need. 

Their mouths parted, and Jim continued to kiss his way down his lover's body, laving special attention on the dusky pink nubs that hardened under his tongue. 

"Oh, Jim! Ahhhhhhh!" Blair cried out as the Sentinel nipped at one erect nipple. Arching into the bite, Blair demanded more attention to the sensitive flesh. 

Jim moved over to the left nipple, tugging at the silver ring that pierced the teat and eliciting another howl of approval from his lover. He went on to give his Guide a tongue bath, much as his spirit guide had done to the wolf. Licking his way down the flat abs, Jim dipped his tongue into the recesses of Blair's navel, tasting the combination of soap and sweat that lingered there. 

Writhing under the hands and mouth of his Sentinel, Blair allowed himself to succumb to the passion that had long been locked up inside. Thrusting his hips, he urged Jim lower, to claim the hard column of flesh that waited for him. When Jim's lips finally engulfed the head of his cock, Blair cried out inarticulately, barely able to keep from coming right then and there. 

Fists balled into the sheets, Blair held on for dear life as Jim slipped lower, swallowing more and more of his straining cock. Instinct took over, and Blair began to thrust into the warm cavern of Jim's mouth. Only a tenuous grasp on his higher brain functions kept Blair from ramming himself down Jim's throat. 

The bittersweet taste of pre-come filled Jim's mouth, nearly overwhelming his sense of taste. Fireworks exploded behind his eyes as his senses kicked in all at once to catalog every nuance of his mate. But despite the sensory overload, he didn't fear the dark spiral of a zone-out in the presence of his Guide. 

"Oh, Jim! Man, oh man! Jiiiim!" Blair's throat clenched as he cried out, nearly strangling his last words. "I'm coming, I'm coming...!" 

Jim felt the pulse of the cock in his mouth seconds before his throat was filled with Blair's come. Hot, sweet, sticky... the semen was like nectar to the starving Sentinel. His throat convulsed, and he found himself drinking in all Blair could give him. As the spent cock began to slip from his mouth, Jim suckled hard, milking the last drops from the exhausted organ. 

Crawling back up Blair's supine body, Jim planted a kiss on the swollen lips, letting Blair taste himself in the transfer of salvia. When they finally parted, Jim brushed the wild locks of hair from the flushed face and smiled. 

"Oh, Baby, that was the best gift anyone's ever given me," Jim sighed. "I love you, Blair; you know that, don't you?" 

Blair nodded, a satisfied grin on his face. "Oh yeah," he drawled. "I love you, too, Studmuffin." 

" _Studmuffin_?" Jim snorted with a smile. "So I'm your Studmuffin now, am I?" He pounced on the self-satisfied Guide, a passionate kiss stealing away Blair's breath. 

The Guide submitted to the kiss, but then pushed Jim back. When the Sentinel settled on his side next to Blair, the younger man reached out to brush tentative fingers down the length of Jim's hard cock. "That wasn't the whole present," he said softly. Pushing up to brace himself on an elbow, he reached across Jim to the nightstand and snagged the lube. "Tonight's the night. I want to know what it means to be fully bonded, to be your Guide in all things." 

"Oh, Blair..." Jim took the lube and studied the blue depths of Blair's eyes. All he could see was longing and desire, the two powerful emotions masking whatever trace of fear remained. 

"I talked with Doctor Stewart about it," Blair explained softly. "But I don't really know what to expect. Tonight, you'll have to be the guide." 

Jim wanted to add an _'are you sure?'_ to his response, but decided against questioning Blair's resolve. "It would be easiest for the first time if you roll onto your side with your back to me," he instructed. 

Blair rolled as he was told, and then looked over his shoulder at his lover. "W-What's next?" 

The slight trembling in Blair's voice told Jim his Guide was putting on a brave front, but that fear still lurked somewhere under the surface. "Now, I have to prepare you," he said. Squeezing a generous amount of the gel onto his index finger, he began to probe gently at the tight muscle of Blair's anus. "You have to try to relax, Sweetheart. It's less uncomfortable that way." 

Blair concentrated on relaxing the muscles in his butt and felt Jim's finger slip inside, slowly filling him and stroking the lining of his rectum. The moan that issued from his lips told Jim that any initial discomfort had given way to a pleasurable experience. 

Emboldened by Blair's response, he slipped out and added more lube to two of his fingers. "This might hurt just a bit," he said, very slowly easing his index and middle fingers inside. Blair groaned, and Jim began to gently stroke Blair's arm and side as he felt the muscles of Blair's ass tighten up on him again. "Just relax... relax..." he crooned, stopping all motion until he felt the muscles clamping his fingers begin to loosen. "That's right. Good, good." He eased in further, spreading his fingers to help stretch the muscles. He brushed against the walnut-sized mound of Blair's prostate, chuckling at Blair's immediate and impassioned response. 

"What the hell was _that_? God, Jim!" Blair panted, trying to regain his breath after a monumental surge of arousal swept through him. "What the heck did you do?" 

"That, my little sex toy," Jim teased, "was me stroking your prostate." 

"Do it again!" Blair begged, ignoring the new love-name Jim had bestowed upon him. 

Jim rubbed the mound again, sending jolts of passion surging through Blair's body. The limp cock, so recently sated, began to slowly fill again, dragging a moan of pure ecstasy from Blair's throat. Reaching across Blair's body with his free hand, Jim began to stroke the growing penis as he continued to stretch and prepare Blair to receive his own aching erection. 

When Blair began to instinctively thrust back against Jim's hand, driving his fingers deeper, the Sentinel deemed it was time. Withdrawing, he liberally coated his cock with the lube and positioned himself behind his lover. 

"This is it, Blair," he warned. "If you want me to stop, at any time, just say the word." 

"I won't want you to stop," Blair whispered, barely able to find his voice in the fog of arousal enveloping him. 

As Jim's cock breached the opening in Blair's body, the Guide suddenly tensed, not expecting the pain that would come from having something so large and solid enter him. "Uhhhh... godddd..." Blair's voice was soft and pained, his fists once more balled into the sheets. 

Jim leaned down to place a kiss on the strained forehead, stroking sweat-soaked hair with one hand, and a softening cock with the other. "Say the word, Baby," Jim urged, not penetrating further, but not withdrawing. 

Blair shook his head. "I want this." His voice was so soft, even the Sentinel had to strain to hear. 

A short while later, Jim felt a minute loosening of the cramped muscle and eased his way in a fraction of an inch further. Blair moaned and lay motionless, but didn't tense up again. Jim continued his slow, purposeful advance until he eventually felt his balls contact the soft roundness of Blair's ass. 

"I'm all the way, Sweetheart," Jim whispered, kissing Blair's exposed shoulder. He continued to stroke gently on his Guide's cock, which was finally beginning to respond to his touch. 

"So full," Blair groaned, moving his hips slightly to adjust to the pressure. 

"I know," said Jim. "I remember my first time... Does it hurt?" 

Blair shook his head. "Can we just lay here like this for a while?" he asked. 

"Anything you want," Jim agreed, content to feel the tight, hot sheath enclosing his cock. 

The constant attention to his revived erection caused Blair to moan. He tried to move his hips, to thrust into Jim's hand, but his ass was held fast by the weight inside it. Frustrated, Blair wiggled. "Move," he commanded softly. 

Not questioning his Guide's request, Jim began to pull out slowly, then slide back in, creating a slow, undulating rhythm. Blair's hips moved in time to the pistoning, creating a friction on his cock that spiraled him to new heights of arousal. When Jim adjusted his angle to hit Blair's prostate again, the Guide howled out his completion. 

" _Jiiiiiiiiim_! Oh, oh, oh... God... Jiiim... OH!" A fountain of come sprayed up Blair's chest and over Jim's hand. As he lay panting through the aftermath of his second climax, Blair's muscles clenched and released Jim's cock in a steady rhythm. 

Picking up speed, now that Blair was completely relaxed and loose, Jim soon found his own orgasm sweeping through him, claiming him, claiming Blair, binding and bonding them together. 

_My Sentinel._

_My Guide._

In the corner of the room, the jaguar roared his approval as the wolf nuzzled the silken black fur, sated and content. 

+++++ 

The next morning, Blair awoke alone in bed. From below, he could smell the scent of fresh coffee brewing. The lure of caffeine made him sit up, and he groaned. The movement made his ass ache, and he was stiff in places he never even knew existed. Jim's voice floated up from downstairs. 

"I know you're awake, Blair. Are you coming down?" 

"In a minute," Blair groused, fumbling for a robe to wrap around his chilled body. Standing, he made his way to the stairs, leaning heavily against the rail fastened to the wall. 

"Merry Christmas!" Jim greeted his Guide with a cup of coffee and a kiss. "I didn't think you were ever going to wake up." 

"After that workout last night, I wasn't sure I wanted to," Blair grumbled. He eased himself onto the soft cushions of the couch, forgoing the hard, wooden chairs at the dining table. 

"Sore?" asked Jim, coming to sit next to his Guide. 

"You could say that," Blair agreed, nodding. "Man, I didn't know I had some of these muscles. The doctor didn't warn me about the morning after." 

Jim grinned. "You didn't ask." 

Blair eyed him sharply, but let the subject drop. 

Putting down his morning coffee, Jim got up to retrieve the lone present that sat under the tree. "This won't begin to match the gift you gave me last night," he began. "But I hope you like it anyway." 

Blair tore at the silver and gold foil wrapping, sending shreds of paper onto the floor in his enthusiasm. "Oh, man! Jim...!" He eyed the box, letting his hands sweep over the picture of its contents with reverence. 

"I don't know much about computers," Jim confessed, "but the guy at the electronics store said this was the top-of-the-line in laptops." 

"You shouldn't have," said Blair, his voice breathy with awe. "This is way, way too expensive." 

Jim shrugged. "I want you to be able to go back to school and finish getting your degree," he said. "I always wanted to marry a doctor." 

A guffaw burst from Blair at Jim's final statement and the ice was broken. Setting the box carefully on the coffee table, he launched himself at his Sentinel, all stiffness forgotten in the surge of love that filled him. 

+++++ 

In the days that followed, Blair registered on-line and prepared to return to graduate classes for the winter term, all while brushing up on police procedures by spending every waking free minute reading the manual. His nights were filled with loving Jim and enjoying the incredible oneness of spirit the sexual bond brought to them both. 

When January 2nd finally arrived, neither Sentinel nor Guide could believe the brief respite was over. 

"Are you ready to go down to the police station and start to work?" Jim asked over a breakfast of eggs and toast. 

"Ready as I'll ever be, man." Blair nodded in agreement. "I finished the manual last night." 

"And if Simon chooses to quiz you?" 

"I'm ready," Blair confirmed. 

Putting their dishes in the sink, the two men grabbed their coats and headed downtown. Their first stop was the Personnel Office, where they picked up Blair's identification badge, which he clipped to his collar. 

"I guess this makes me your official partner," he said with a grin. 

"You already are my official partner," Jim reminded him, "in every way that counts." 

Wrapping an arm around Blair's shoulders, Jim steered him out of Personnel and over to the elevator. When they arrived at the sixth floor, they entered the door to the Major Crime bullpen to see Captain Simon Banks waiting for their arrival. 

"Hey, Simon!" Jim greeted his boss with a jaunty smile. "We're back!" 

**THE END**

* * *

End 

Damaged Goods by Natalie L: nat1228@comcast.net  
Author and story notes above.

Disclaimer: _The Sentinel_ is owned etc. by Pet Fly, Inc. These pages and the stories on them are not meant to infringe on, nor are they endorsed by, Pet Fly, Inc. and Paramount. 


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